each time i am upset or moody i am inspired to write
but as soon as the Xanax kicks in
i lose all motivation and everything is point blank again
but one thing remains for sure, and that is i’m upset again
at a time when everyone is busy scooting around town making last purchases
before they usher in the lunar new year
for me, this festive season brings me a mixed bag of emotions
happy because it marks a new phase in life, new resolutions etc
sad because it evokes unpleasant memories (not going into details)
the year of the rabbit is no exception
it has been that way since 2006 and i do not foresee a change in circumstances
and i often blame myself for these self-inflicted pain
Thank god for xanax!!!
and God if you really do exist
please make the year a smooth sailing one, albeit challenges and obstacles
because dying is not a solution
some of you may think or say that my life is far better than those in the under-developed countries
where there are famines and no food and clean water
my take is, never make comparisons
even if one has to compare
it would be on the quality of life now and then
mine has for sure deteriorated from the heydays of being filthy rich
when i was in my late twenties
a fortune teller told me that i’d strike the jackpot when i hit the forties
but not without some major challenges in my mid 30’s
36 to be more accurate
there is a high chance that i would be bed-ridden and eventually die
what scares me most was that i used to tell my childhood friends that
i wouldn’t live beyond 36 …………..
the past two years have been tumultuous, pathetic and terribly lonely
while most of my peers are happily married with children and some still high flyers
mine was lived in solitude with no shoulder to cry on
pathetic because it’s a Saturday tonight and it is half past ten as i type
and i am home, yes i am home without an agenda
or a number i could dial to turn things around, nurture my soul whatevs
perhaps i should go to sleep like i always do
and i’d tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day
such is life
goodnite earthlings
e
