August 26, 2010

Tension headache

please fucking go away
as if i do not take enough medicine already
now i gotta pop another one
just because some retard decides to get even with me
don't even get me started
i wish i could devour a bunch of poisonous shrooms
to prove my innocence 
but then again is it worth dying for?
especially when the whole world knows very well
that this is a natural reflex
whenever i tear or have an argument with anybody
i usually end up seeing a doctor
which will set me back by a good RM40
when i can use that money to do something more worth it
like pumping petrol 
or buy 15 packs of kolo mee to donate it to charity

i have been wondering lately if i have become too dependant
on my family or anybody else
maybe it is high time i set the records straight
and look for a decent job that pays good money
so i can fucking bribe the doctor of a home injection kit
then i'll be able to jab myself
and he wont have to see my face so often
and you cant even imagine the fucking pain I'm going through
but why would you care
even though you are the culprit
it has happened so many times
i don't even bother to explain what why when how
migraines are pure torture
caused by the lack of compassion or feelings for me
because you are selfish and at the same time
too creative for your own good

turning delusional over a meaningless conversation
marvelous - you should probably be a movie script writer 
then you can give me money for providing you inspiration to be paranoid
and consequently cash in the money if it turns out to be box-office material
thanks for ruining my life but above all else
but i have to come clean first
honestly when i tell you are the only one
believe it
when you doubt me i begin to doubt myself and that's where the problems
start rushing in
your insecurities then become mine
and then i wonder if it is worth it at all
it's incredible the whole world knows me thatwell but you don't
for fuck's sake i am a scorpio
 i either hate you or love you
anything that is past its expiry date is hello-goodbye
it is not worth holding on to or storing it in my memory bank

but hor
the result? argument la
his name becomes an omen
i'm over it and i've already moved on
his name is nothing but a cruel joke for me
every pun intended, only you can't see pass the facade
the conversation carries a shitload of sacarsm
but unfortunate for me, you can't detect even the slightest bit lo

so how?
i become qian1 gu3 zui4 ren2 lo!!!

on a side note
maybe i should learn how to take care of myself
and not just rely on other people 
maybe i can start going to the movies myself
but hold on, i never liked watching movies until last year
i am a convert, from a clubbaholic to a movieholic
without an ounce of regret


pregnant pause

yes, positive - no regrets
the only thing that's bugging me is
that i am charged guilty without trial
so super not fair right?
have you heard of anybody losing their voice over a stupid message?
over a stupid name?
you know what? you can go play and talk to your fingers
because i am done with this

and just so you know
i hate playing mind games 
and from now on i gotta play my cards right
im gonna show the world how EVIL and malicious like i am
make them hate me so much that
when you all eventually find out the naked truth
i would remain silent
and you all will be like "ohh damn, we've wronged her!!"

would that be too late?
i spent the past two decades of my life going against the flow
while other people are trying their best to cover up their not-so-glorious past
i chose to own up
and admit that some of the things i've done in the past
is horrible
but at least i don't hide them
but at the same time i regret telling YOU
because you always use it as a weapon against me
consciously or unconsciously
it don't matter

i'll take every blow like a real man
take it as it is
i know