futile efforts

to make my mum proud today

she personally called to remind me yesterday
to represent her at a millionaire investment talk dinner
now just so you know my mum is one who'd never ask for favors
not one to let her down
i went to great lengths to make sure my nails looked good
including my toe nails
i sat for 3 friggen hours
not knowing it would take that long
as this was my first time i put on acrylic nails


i had wanted to curl my hair first
but because everyone was busy and no one was available
i decided to paint my nails first
i had to wait for fiona to rush from town to bdc
before she began the nerve-wrecking job
i think her eyes were sore from all the filing and painting
luckily gina was there and there was someone to talk to
being as restless as i am
i normally can't sit for more than an hour



but i sat through the whole ordeal only because
fiona was doing her best
and it was my first *virgin* try at acrylic nails
when my nails were done i rushed over to yuki
to have my hair curled, rinsed and curled
i told her to do a rush rush job because
i didn't want to be late
as it was already nearly 6.15pm
not long later, my hair was curled the way i liked it,
big big curls made me happy

but my ego was somewhat bruised
when my date told me my nails looked funny
and that my hair was not that pretty
too curly was his opinion
all i had done i felt went down the gutter on just two comments
i had to sit through a lecture
listen to him lament on things that he wasn't even unsure of
but i think i'm seriously tired of this suspicion
and the paranoia
I AM A FUCKING PATIENT
who takes medication daily

well
having heard all those unnecessary banter
i decided not to go
but fiona said to me that i should make my mum proud
and i should still go even though i was late
better late than never right?
she had a point
i already made the effort to do my nails and hair
why not go? even if i had to go alone
and i chose to go despite the fact that i rang my mum
to tell her that i was feeling ill

there was a tad of disappointment in her tone
i could sense it, of course, being her daughter
my dad said to stay home if i was feeling sick
and i questioned myself
conscience got the better of me and i told myself
i had to attend this dinner
because my mum rang me to inform me
reminded me this morning
dad smsed me twice
and she smsed me at 7pm

i had to go
and i went
fashionably late you could say
the event which began on time at 6.30pm
ended sharply at 8.30pm
i was searching for the venue like a chicken without a head
and i still couldn't find the hall that it was held in
i had the concierge radio the people above
only to confirm with me that
everyone had left and the event was officially over
i was gobsmacked

then an sms arrived
dad
"mum is proud that you went even though you were late"
she knows you made an effort
i did i really did
i hope deep inside her heart
she doesn't think that i didn't think much of the event
i have my nails and hair to prove
i wanted to make you proud mum i did
if only i arrived an hour earlier


tomorrow is another dispiriting day for me
as i face the challenge of dealing with someone who's
much more experienced than i am
who knows more than i do
and fingers crossed i get this right
i don't want any litigation linked to the matter
wish me luck guys
i've consulted a few friends
and have come to a final decision
pray for me

i really need your support
my family is not around
i am most vulnerable when my family is not around
and it doesn't help when the closest person to you does not agree with you
i am alone again
just like before
i need strength i need support
morally and physically
i'm reaching out my hand
but there is no help in sight

nails done at
nail me good
Lot 5402 1st floor
Block D, Rh Plaza
Jalan Stutong
Tel:082-450080
email: fionamarcusraja@gmail.com

hair done at
Yuki Salon
few shoplots away

xoxo
a sinking ship